Two years ago, I rung in 2014 in London with Jason, my sister, and one of our closest friends. We found ourselves at a little bar called “Grace,” on the eve of the New Year. We needed a little snack prior to seeing Les Miserables on the West End.

The real point is, though, is that we stumbled into a place called “grace.” We stumbled into grace. Mirriam Webster lists one definition for grace as: a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward.

I could not have known or anticipated then the struggle that 2015 would be. 2014 was largely wonderful, Jason and I enjoyed the rest of our time in Germany, prior to moving back to the states in September of 2014.

We rung in 2015 at our new home in California. California was always a place I dreamed of living most of my life, so at first, it seemed like a dream come true. What it actually became though, was one of the most difficult and lonely years of my life. I did not walk through 2015 gracefully, no, I stumbled and crawled my way through. I just needed to make it through in any way possible. I battled the most intense depression that I have ever experienced. I became a shell of the person I had worked so hard to become.

But here’s the thing about grace. Sometimes it finds you. Unexpectedly. Grace is undeserved, but God gives it anyway. Another definition for grace is: favor. Mercy.

2015 taught me that some years are not graceful. Some years we just do whatever we can do survive; hold on to the hope that things will get better. And, they do.

Here I sit, the first week of 2016 in our new home in Colorado, while our sweet baby kicks, the snow falls outside and the fire keeps me warm inside. This morning it hit me, that after all of the mess of 2015, I am finally happy again. Content. Inspired. I am finally looking forward and not backward. But, I am also grateful, because I know that without all the difficult things we experience, we would not always recognize or appreciate the good things.

“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.” -Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

One thought on “Grace

  1. Stacey says:

    Sweet girl! I prayed for you often, knowing how far you’d come from when we first met, knowing the close friends “lost” by a move was going to be difficult for you. You went to a place without the support you were familiar with and struggled, but now you’re ready to fly! Going through the difficult times, and surviving, makes you stronger and provides a foundation for building an amazing future. The Castleberrys are in for a fantastic 2016! I love you!!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s